It is so easy to feel overwhelmed. Everyone and everything wants to claim one’s attention, and there is a constant juggling of priorities as they conflict. Daily Mass, adoration, spending time with Daniel, school, attempted quiet time, this activity, that activity, calling home, spending time with fellow students–and the list goes on. Where does it end? With death, I suppose. There are so many things that I really want to do, committing every hour of every day…but I can’t bear the thought of the exhaustion and irritability that inevitably follows. Because of the lack of time, I can not really get a job; and so the stress of living off of loans until I am out of school bothers me.
This quarter is going to be very reading intensive. For example, next week’s homework just for our Scripture class is 11 chapters of Genesis and 40+ pages in another book. Probably about 20-40 pages to read for each of the three other classes, and some group work and market research for the fifth. I enjoy it for the most part, but I often feel that my brain is going to explode if I cram any more information in there. However, I have survived two weeks of class and it has not yet happened…this leads me to believe that I might actually be capable of learning, and so I keep plugging away.
I am learning to love the ocean more and more. Last weekend I went up with Daniel to the beach that his family stays at for a week every year (we will be going tomorrow, too). Playing with the kids, being in a family environment, sitting in the sun, feeling the sea spray, having the wind tease my hair, and watching the waves crash against the rocks brings such a sense of peace. To think that God, who made such an expansive and beautiful world that shows us His glory…made and loves each of us “more that we could ever want him to love us” is awesome.
In the past week, I have frequently been reminded that we do nothing through our own power; without Him, we can do nothing (Philippians 4:13). Everything is done by His grace. Think about that…each breath, every inclination, every choice we are presented with, every action, every capability is from Him. Although He desires us to place all our trust in Him and choose to love Him unconditionally–a mere reflection of how He loves us–He respects the free will He gave us so much that we are allowed to choose otherwise, even though it hurts us. With this before us, pride makes absolutely no sense at all. As Daniel put it, it is as though He gave us a green light and a red light…what makes us so special for choosing the path with the green light?
Therefore: if we can do nothing without God, and everything in Him…then there is no reason to be overwhelmed. If this is the path that God wishes me to take, then I will thrive. If not, then I will learn something and hopefully get back on track with His will. And hopefully I can learn to pray and love and trust more completely, so that I am not so likely to fall back into myself.
So, I ask your prayers. For a good school year for myself as well as all of my fellow students; that we are able to fulfill our duties to the best of our ability and leave everything else to God in trust.
On a bit of a different note, please also pray for Mrs. B (our Theology professor’s wife) who is almost 10 months pregnant and is being induced tonight. Pray that everything goes well and that their adaption to life with a baby around isn’t too difficult.
Now back to homework…God bless and Mary keep you all.