Only four more weeks of classes. Then finals. Then a 10-day break… Then we start all over again. My eyes have been getting so tired from reading lately. Philosophy is not my forte, and the lack of reading comprehension seems to make it worse. It causes impromptu naps, even when I am really not tired. Or perhaps sore eyes are the result of the blazing sun that I have been sitting out in lately. Hmm…I might be allergic to southern California. 😀
I miss having fields to run through to throw my thoughts into; the dusk of the country; seeing the sun rise and set over the horizon; the fresh, open air; the water that is not heavily laden with minerals. Restlessness has gotten into me a lot lately, and I want to get rid of the noise of people and cars and planes. I want to get rid of the buildings that surround me, the broken glass that litters the sidewalks and streets, the tense busyness of the world. Sometimes I feel like a caged animal, helplessly stuck with nowhere to go to be on my own. Even when I am alone, there is silence and noise that only teases me.
Yet I can’t really imagine myself anywhere but at JPCU right now. Doing homework day in and day out, napping at weird times of day, having the opportunity for daily Mass, long conversations with my roommate, walks, discussions, and teasing with the St. Jude crew, night prayer…it feels almost more natural to be around everyone here than at home now. Everything unsatisfactory is mingled with something good.
I baked some bread today. It was a new recipe, and did not turn out as well as I liked…but I am happy nonetheless. Kneading dough is so much fun. I must do it more often! Too bad I can’t turn my love of making food pretty into a business–it is one thing that gives me a sense of satisfaction. With our Lenten breakfasts, Thursday is our “European breakfast day”. I have so much fun making patterns with the food.
I must focus on the simple joys and somehow offer up all the helpless restlessness that no one can help me with. Perhaps I should write a lot in my journal. Perhaps I just need quiet time in adoration. Somehow, someway I will find that little niche in the world where I belong; the place that I can make beautiful and quietly serve others from. Ah, dreams…
Prayer request: I just got an e-mail from my Mom, that a lady we know has ruptured a disk in her back and will need surgery. She is on heavy duty pain killers. Please also pray for her family as they deal with the situation. Thank you!
God bless and Mary keep you all.