Writing is an art…the ability to write enables beauty to be expressed and preserved. What would the world be like without the written word? Writing gives thoughts clarity, even in the midst of overwhelming emotions. The simple flow of thoughts making their way onto paper has a soothing effect on my soul. Although I love to write, I have a crippling case of perfectionism. I am finding writing increasingly difficult, especially on assigned essays for school. I am a slow writer—not averagely slow, but extremely slow. I have yet to sit down and write an essay (about one page long) for school in less than 6 hours, and often it takes me even longer. It is very frustrating to like and hate something at the same time.
Music and song is another way that I can find clarity in my thoughts. Both the joys and sorrows of my heart have found expression in song. When I was little, we often listened to tapes and records on the stereo system. There were also many sing alongs with Dad playing the guitar. My siblings and I would dance around the living room, singing as loud as we could. When the song did not say what we wanted it to, we just changed the words! Perhaps that gave me the ability to think in musical notes…to pray in melodies that I make up as I go along.
I wish I could be calm and peaceful, be confident and caught up with my homework, and have lots of time to spend with people. I keep waiting for the day to come that all my priorities are in place and I have abundant time to serve. Many days I feel selfish because they are primarily spent doing homework or other activities with the school, and I don’t have enough time or resources to commit to most service. It just doesn’t seem that a smile and prayers are enough.
On a happier note: there is a baby to hold here! With 60 students around that like to give him attention, it is hard to get him for very long. I have managed it, though, and am remembering how much I love cuddling and playing with babies. Soft hair, chubby cheeks, and drool…such sweetness. 😀
Too much time has passed, and I must pray and write some more before I fall asleep. If you have a few more minutes to read, look at this: Ephesians 6. May God bless and Mary keep you all.