I need to find my inner calm again – God. I feel like I have been inundated with blessings lately, and yet I cannot seem to view them transparently as I did. Recently I have felt so busy in my prayers, and I don’t like it…there is too much of “me” everywhere. I guess I just need to find a place that is quiet and let my thoughts go – but my world is a world of noise. If I try going to daily Mass and staying afterwards, there are either people talking…or the Church is being cleaned and vacuumed. Or I am at home, and my room is hot…and everywhere else is noisy. And right now, if I stay outside for long, I get eaten by bugs. Sigh…I must know that the Father gives me difficulties for my greatest good.
This past week we have done a lot of cleaning. I have tackled several projects myself, as well as helping with the main areas of the house. Since it is the week of the County Fair (the 28th – 3rd), there are fewer people around to make a mess as you are cleaning. It is quite nice to view a completed project in a reasonable amount of time. 🙂
I have also done a good amount of reading – I am almost finished with “Love and Responsibility”. It is awesome to realize in a deeper way how much love and the order of nature is perfectly integrated in each person. It gives me a deeper longing to be a genuine personality, to be part of a perfect society, to discover more and more that everything comes from God, and we can return our entire selves and all with us to Him because we love Him. I highly recommend this book to older teens on up.
The weekend was beautiful. The weather was very nice, and I spent a relaxing day on Sunday with my family. I was so glad to finally have a Sunday that I did not have to go anywhere (except Holy Mass, of course)!
Last night I got my hair cut. It was getting too long, and was difficult to handle; and I decided that as long as I was going to cut it, I might as well donate it to Locks of Love. It feels quite strange – and it is amazing that even though my hair is fine, it still had considerable weight. In case you are wondering how much I cut off, here are pictures: before & after.
Two days until my sister comes to visit; two weeks and two days until I am done working; three weeks and two days and I will be in San Diego. Some moments I wish it was here already…some moments I think I am crazy…and some moments I don’t know how I will do it. The craziest things are getting to me – for example, I am not sure how I am going to cook. I only know how to make sandwhiches and large meals! Cooking the way I know how, one meal would last me well over a week. Packing is looking very daunting right now – knowing and deciding what I need to bring, along with balancing the things I want to bring. I am very tempted to bring a lot of sweaters, because to me, winter = cold. It will all work out somehow…and it will be a learning experience, no doubt.
As a last side note for this post, I added a new page for requests. Please feel free to leave me comments. 🙂
Prayer for purity that Fr. Kentenich wrote in his youth:
Hail Mary, for the sake of your purity, keep me pure in body and soul. Open wide to me your heart and the heart of your Son. Implore for me deep self knowledge and the grace to persevere until death. Give me souls, keep all else for yourself. Amen.