A few everyday things that make me happy (in no particular order):
-watching someone’s face light up into a smile when I smile at them
-little kids running to me with outstreched arms
-conversations with family and friends
-offering up my heart more totally in trust
-sitting in the Shrine at Schoenstatt, or “spiritually visiting” the Shrine
-sunshine and thunderstorms
-writing and reading
With so many reasons to be joyful, why do I allow myself to dwell on what I don’t have? God has taken perfect care of me for my whole life, why can’t I trust that He can handle the rest of it too?
Has anyone ever had a little child that wanted to “help” carry something? Their strength is limited, and so it makes the burden more awkward at times…and yet, they must help. The recognition of their desire to feel needed and loved is so great that we can’t help but give them the pleasure of letting them “assist”. And then, as they get older, sometimes they think they can do it by themselves. Slowly you let go of your side of the burden, ready to quickly pick up the slack; the realization that it is more than their little hands can handle makes them all the more willing to receive help again. Then it continues. As they grow older, stronger, and more capable, you allow them to take more of the burden.
In a way, I think this is how I see my life. I am the little child that wants to “help” in the great act of bringing all people to salvation. Sometimes through my weaknesses, I am sure that I make it more awkward for others to fulfill their part; and yet, I must help. And God has granted me so much pleasure in seeing the little ways in which I can assist…sometimes, I even think that I am really doing great things. I think that I can do so much more, I plan my life to go the way that I see “perfect” and most influential. I think that I can effectively bring people to God through my own way of thinking, my own narrow striving, my own exemplary life. And then God allows me to feel the heaviness of the cares of the world; the heaviness of distrust; the heaviness of self-dependence. I must let go and allow Him to pick up the slack…and yet strive to grow in my capability to share the suffering of the Cross and thus, the salvation of souls.
I feel like I have gotten very little done this past week. It went fast and was seemingly busy, but kind of in the “running in a circle” way. I am going to work on my strivings of productivity. I am trying to root out the things that distract me from using my time and talents to the best of my ability; I need to improve my self denial now, so that I don’t have to deal with as much of a lazy and procrastinating mind while learning the ropes at school.
I don’t know if the coming week will be stressful and tiring, peaceful and tiring, or peaceful and restful. Tomorrow and Saturday I work; tomorrow night I am going to a Holy Mass with Archbishop Dolan at Schoenstatt; Saturday I am going to a graduation party; Sunday I am going to Schoenstatt, and then staying there until Thursday night to help out with the girls camp. Before I leave on Saturday I will need to have all my laundry done and everything ready to go. It will also be good practice of detachment to be away from the computer and college preparations for so long, lol.
Please pray for a few special intentions. And please pray that someday I may become a saint. All is lost with the loss of God…
“You know the way for me, you know the time; into your hands, I trustingly place mine. Your plan is perfect, born of perfect love. You know the way for me, that is enough.”